Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize