Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize