Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
