Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
