somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
