I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
