I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize