rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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