are you so shy because you have an std?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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