He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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