Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
