oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
