I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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