if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
