I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
