you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I AM VODKA MAN
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
