And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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