this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
