is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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