no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
