Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
