i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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