I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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