The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
