My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They took my balls.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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