420 ftw
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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