She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
