Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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