I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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