Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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