So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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