Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
