R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
