Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
