someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you made out with another girl for some wings
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm really busy with my period
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