im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
