just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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