I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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