Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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