do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
