Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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