I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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