Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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