My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
