How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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