I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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