just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
