i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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