just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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