3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
