My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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