Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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