I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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