thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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