your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
