I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
