i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
