I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
