We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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