Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
