Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
