I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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