I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
