nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize