You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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