Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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