And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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