YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Screwed.edu
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
