Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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