My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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