Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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